I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
