and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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