exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
