Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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