Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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