i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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