there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
