My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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