Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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