Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
