haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
