I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
