Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
