Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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