Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
