Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize