I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
