Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
