are you so shy because you have an std?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drake has all the answers
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
