So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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