also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
