I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
