I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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