im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
