don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
