yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Randomize
