My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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