so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
