I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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