the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
