you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
