Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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