Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
