So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
