Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
