do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
