dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
