I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We got so high we made milksteak
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
