4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
