You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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