i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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