I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
