I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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