What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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