So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
