He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
