Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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