just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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