I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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