you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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