every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.