Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with