also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize