so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.