How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
