im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to