my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?