White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.