Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  So drunk i had to piss sitting down...

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  (803): So drunk i had to piss sitting down... http://tfl.nu/050t
  Replies (7) Good night (1157) Bad night (570)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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  (416): I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom. http://tfl.nu/jkib
  Replies (21) Good night (4541) Bad night (713)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..

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  (443): 8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath.. http://tfl.nu/przo
  Replies (44) Good night (3691) Bad night (1798)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.

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  (902): Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl. http://tfl.nu/a7t2
  Replies (13) Good night (7210) Bad night (1155)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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  (970): Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms? http://tfl.nu/dduo
  Replies (4) Good night (2840) Bad night (1300)
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  (310): View more from California

  I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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  (310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298
  Replies (2) Good night (2054) Bad night (1140)
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  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
  Replies (12) Good night (4169) Bad night (992)
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  (707): View more from California

  I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.

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  (707): I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night. http://tfl.nu/by2p
  Replies (3) Good night (1708) Bad night (567)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.

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  (307): Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle. http://tfl.nu/2vsv
  Replies (4) Good night (1524) Bad night (477)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!

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  (505): She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before! http://tfl.nu/qmyv
  Replies (10) Good night (2239) Bad night (511)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom

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  (781): Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom http://tfl.nu/px62
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (358)
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  (310): View more from California

  you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer

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  (310): you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer http://tfl.nu/3y4u
  Replies (0) Good night (668) Bad night (356)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"

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  (215): Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?" http://tfl.nu/i6qx
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (389)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.

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  (716): Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something. http://tfl.nu/zthu
  Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (204)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.

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  (631): Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night. http://tfl.nu/33bp
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (160)

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