just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.