do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
