Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My life is pants optional.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
