I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.