I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
