Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.

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  (202): I want to give you a handjob with my mouth. http://tfl.nu/s0yv
  Replies (25) Good night (2077) Bad night (502)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it

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  (973): So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it http://tfl.nu/ct20
  Replies (29) Good night (5309) Bad night (1695)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.

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  (330): The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops. http://tfl.nu/2l9n
  Replies (11) Good night (4633) Bad night (1132)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?

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  (307): How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots? http://tfl.nu/gvsx
  Replies (13) Good night (3683) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne

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  (603): I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne http://tfl.nu/z1js
  Replies (7) Good night (1707) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen

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  (814): DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen http://tfl.nu/glfa
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (2226)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Stop drinking at work.

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  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
  Replies (8) Good night (3547) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.

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  (306): Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess. http://tfl.nu/uhd6
  Replies (5) Good night (1136) Bad night (526)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.

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  (410): She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor. http://tfl.nu/beb7
  Replies (13) Good night (1775) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate

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  (920): So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate http://tfl.nu/3qfe
  Replies (1) Good night (1105) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.

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  (281): Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success. http://tfl.nu/agha
  Replies (1) Good night (1828) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi

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  (321): Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi http://tfl.nu/jeyc
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What drugs are we doing when you visit?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.

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  (402): What drugs are we doing when you visit? (1-402): The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles. http://tfl.nu/97ps
  Replies (2) Good night (1052) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.

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  (925): All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room. http://tfl.nu/psmm
  Replies (3) Good night (388) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.

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  (507): The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER. http://tfl.nu/0t63
  Replies (3) Good night (962) Bad night (218)

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