hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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