Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl

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  (313): I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl http://tfl.nu/zim9
  Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (1136)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....

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  (724): So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner.... http://tfl.nu/8twx
  Replies (16) Good night (691) Bad night (3558)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.

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  (678): Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards. http://tfl.nu/o7s2
  Replies (39) Good night (937) Bad night (5433)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.

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  (404): It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more. http://tfl.nu/2mzd
  Replies (17) Good night (1318) Bad night (7755)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

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  (830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7
  Replies (33) Good night (6377) Bad night (1801)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

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  (540): It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic. http://tfl.nu/37md
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (2668)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about

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  (218): Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about http://tfl.nu/idfh
  Replies (23) Good night (1345) Bad night (6174)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera

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  (716): Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera http://tfl.nu/ouai
  Replies (10) Good night (2774) Bad night (1063)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

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  (786): And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots. http://tfl.nu/xlfm
  Replies (3) Good night (3107) Bad night (874)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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  (816): Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink. http://tfl.nu/iqnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2244) Bad night (840)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club

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  (512): that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club http://tfl.nu/q8pu
  Replies (8) Good night (1043) Bad night (1840)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.

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  (519): I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds. http://tfl.nu/ynhk
  Replies (3) Good night (1602) Bad night (745)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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  (336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7
  Replies (15) Good night (2791) Bad night (526)
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  (310): View more from California

  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
  Replies (8) Good night (1572) Bad night (501)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.

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  (307): I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars. http://tfl.nu/4ihs
  Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (182)

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