I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS