i permit you to call me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.