In the future we'll all be gay
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
