Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
