She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
