Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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