Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
