dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
