I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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