I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
