shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
