Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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