did you get engaged???
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
